Well, despite being total moronic assholes until the bitter end, I finally received my money a few days ago... plus interest.
So, if you find yourself in the same boat the rest of us did, you can have some peace of mind that eventually you will get your money back. Complaining about it won't do any good. Begging for it won't help. Going to the Better Business Bureau or other online entity is pointless. Threatening them with pipe bombs won't get your money back either.
I took the begging, comedic, and public approach. "TheJames" took the crazy, in your face, "I'm going to kill you and piss on your shallow grave" approach. We both still waited out out 90 days, for the funds to be returned.
While letting it go for the first 90 days makes sense, both "TheJames" and I both had last minute bullshit bailout attempts. They told him that there was now a claim against him and they were holding the money longer, and they told me that the money was on it's way... not once, not twice, not three times, but FOUR times before they ever bothered to send it.
So... in the end... now that I finally got my $2000+ dollars back.... I know your dying to know what I ended up spending the money on, right? Well, right before I was paid, customs put a $2300.00 shipment worth of phones I ordered on hold. I had to reorder the entire shipment, so the Amazon money is now sitting in Wilmington, Ohio while I deal with Customs and DHL's PISS POOR Customer Service.
For the most part, I am done posting on this blog, but it will be here as a reminder, and help for anyone who wants to read it. If you want to continue to follow what part of my business life I make time to share, you can follow the links of this page, to view my other blogs.
If you are reading this because Amazon Stole Your Money too, then you should speak out, complain, file a report with the BBB,email theconsumerist.com, open your own website, and let your story be heard. Don't let these Fuckers get away with it.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Blah, Blah, Blah... Just Give Me My Money
Hello again from Technical Account Management.
I understand that you wish to receive your funds. However, the only department who can make sure the funds are released to your bank account, while the account is blocked, is our Seller Performance group. For this inquiry, specifically relating to the receipt of your payment, you will need to e-mail them using the account e-mail address to, payments-funds@amazon.com.
Thank you.
Best regards,
Andrea P
Amazon.com Technical Account Management
I understand that you wish to receive your funds. However, the only department who can make sure the funds are released to your bank account, while the account is blocked, is our Seller Performance group. For this inquiry, specifically relating to the receipt of your payment, you will need to e-mail them using the account e-mail address to, payments-funds@amazon.com.
Thank you.
Best regards,
Andrea P
Amazon.com Technical Account Management
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Amazon Responds... Again.... and Again... and...
This is the third time they have given me three different dates. These people are fucking idiots.
Dear XXX,
We initiated a transfer to your checking account (last three digits XXX) of $1578.94 on 08/18/2008.
Funds usually arrive within 3 - 5 banking days, but times vary by bank. If you have not received your funds within 7 banking days, you may contact us at merchant-disbursement-inquiry@amazon.com.
To see more information about payments to your seller account:
1. Log in to sellercentral.amazon.com.
2. Click the “Reports” tab and then choose the "Payments" option.
3. Use the drop-down menu on the left to see past disbursements.
Thank you for choosing Amazon.com.
Amazon.com Customer Service
Dear XXX,
We initiated a transfer to your checking account (last three digits XXX) of $1578.94 on 08/18/2008.
Funds usually arrive within 3 - 5 banking days, but times vary by bank. If you have not received your funds within 7 banking days, you may contact us at merchant-disbursement-inquiry@amazon.com.
To see more information about payments to your seller account:
1. Log in to sellercentral.amazon.com.
2. Click the “Reports” tab and then choose the "Payments" option.
3. Use the drop-down menu on the left to see past disbursements.
Thank you for choosing Amazon.com.
Amazon.com Customer Service
Friday, August 15, 2008
Amazon Responds
It took them 5 days, and several emails later, but they finally responded. Not that it fixes the problem... they are still in violation of their own policies.
Greetings from Amazon.com.
Thank you for contacting us. The final settlement date for your account will be August 16, 2008. At that time the funds will disburse to your bank account on file. Please allow five banking days for the funds to reach your bank account.
Best regards,
Payments Specialist
http://www.amazon.com
Greetings from Amazon.com.
Thank you for contacting us. The final settlement date for your account will be August 16, 2008. At that time the funds will disburse to your bank account on file. Please allow five banking days for the funds to reach your bank account.
Best regards,
Payments Specialist
http://www.amazon.com
Day 103
Dear Amazon,
Since I STILL have not received my payment. You are killing me.
Total Owed to Me: $1578.94
Emails Requesting My Money: 101
Emails I have left to send you: ???
Since I STILL have not received my payment. You are killing me.
Total Owed to Me: $1578.94
Emails Requesting My Money: 101
Emails I have left to send you: ???
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Day 100
Dear Amazon,
Since I STILL have not received my payment, I am left to wonder, WTF?!?
Total Owed to Me: $1578.94
Emails Requesting My Money: 100
Emails I have left to send you: ???
Since I STILL have not received my payment, I am left to wonder, WTF?!?
Total Owed to Me: $1578.94
Emails Requesting My Money: 100
Emails I have left to send you: ???
Dear TheJames,
Remind me never to piss you off. I think, that if you had the option to kill one person a day, you would simply find new and exciting things to do with Jeff's body day after day.
Not for nothing, but I work all day, come home, and work all night. I ignore phone calls all day, drilling through emails all night. I barely had time to remember to send a single one liner to Amazon per day. You, however, seem to have all the free time in the world. I am truly jealous. Clearly, I am doing something wrong.
Not for nothing, but I work all day, come home, and work all night. I ignore phone calls all day, drilling through emails all night. I barely had time to remember to send a single one liner to Amazon per day. You, however, seem to have all the free time in the world. I am truly jealous. Clearly, I am doing something wrong.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
1st Payment Received
My first payment of $505.42 was received, and immediately removed from that bank account. When I get a chance, I will block any future Amazon access to that account. It's not that big of a deal, I do not keep money in there, but you know what I mean.
The Crazies Out There
It does amaze me that with all the crazy people out there who randomly shoot people, no one bothers to take a plane flight out to one of Amazon's warehouses, and blow them to pieces.
It also amazes me that with all the suicides that happen each day, not one of those people actually tries to rob a bank or something first. If your going to die, why not try and get away with it? I mean, what the hell, right?
It also amazes me that with all the suicides that happen each day, not one of those people actually tries to rob a bank or something first. If your going to die, why not try and get away with it? I mean, what the hell, right?
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Day 93
Dear Amazon,
I continue to get emails like this:
We have received a report from a customer that one of your images was incorrect or failed our image standards. After researching the issue, we have removed the image for B0013SKSY6: Apple Ipod 8-in-1 Black FM Transmitter Car Kit with Remote and Car Adapter for Ipod 3rd, 4th, 5th Generation, Mini, Photo, U2, Nano 2nd + 3rd Gen, Video, Classic, Touch, based on the validity or quality of the image.
Despite the fact that I do not sell on your system (gee, I wonder why?), I have never sold this product, nor do I have any clue what this image is even for, I continue to get stuff like this semi-regularly. I think your system just misses me.
Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 93
Emails I have left to send you: ???
I continue to get emails like this:
We have received a report from a customer that one of your images was incorrect or failed our image standards. After researching the issue, we have removed the image for B0013SKSY6: Apple Ipod 8-in-1 Black FM Transmitter Car Kit with Remote and Car Adapter for Ipod 3rd, 4th, 5th Generation, Mini, Photo, U2, Nano 2nd + 3rd Gen, Video, Classic, Touch, based on the validity or quality of the image.
Despite the fact that I do not sell on your system (gee, I wonder why?), I have never sold this product, nor do I have any clue what this image is even for, I continue to get stuff like this semi-regularly. I think your system just misses me.
Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 93
Emails I have left to send you: ???
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Day 92
Dear Amazon,
I see that you have begun the money transfers. Thats good. Very good. When I have the money in hand, I will go away. Until then, I've got my eye on you.
Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 92
Emails I have left to send you: ???
I see that you have begun the money transfers. Thats good. Very good. When I have the money in hand, I will go away. Until then, I've got my eye on you.
Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 92
Emails I have left to send you: ???
Plus Interest
Ok, so I am sure you have noticed I always said $2073.96 Plus Interest. If you add up my 2 payments, they total $2084.36. That is a difference of $10.40, which would be .02% interest over a 12 months period, which is arguably the going interest rate for a savings account.
Of course, if I had access to the original $2073.96 from the beginning, I could have made a 20% or more return, each month, buying and selling merchandise. Just think of all that lost revenue.
Of course, if I had access to the original $2073.96 from the beginning, I could have made a 20% or more return, each month, buying and selling merchandise. Just think of all that lost revenue.
Double Amazon Emails
There was a question about the $500 paid to me in the last post, and the $2000 I was waiting on. There were 2 Amazon Accounts I was running at the same time, that paid out on alternating weeks. According to the email below, they are paying me a week early.
Greetings from Amazon.com.
Thank you for contacting us. Your funds in the amount of $505.42 have been released and should arrive within five banking days of today's date. If you should experience further delays in the disbursement of your funds, please contact us at payments-investigate@amazon.com.
Best regards,
Dorene
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear XXX,
We initiated a transfer to your checking account (last three digits XXX) of $1578.94 on 08/07/2008.
Funds usually arrive within 3 - 5 banking days, but times vary by bank. If you have not received your funds within 7 banking days, you may contact us at merchant-disbursement-inquiry@amazon.com.
To see more information about payments to your seller account:
1. Log in to sellercentral.amazon.com.
2. Click the “Reports” tab and then choose the "Payments" option.
3. Use the drop-down menu on the left to see past disbursements.
Thank you for choosing Amazon.com.
Amazon.com Customer Service
Greetings from Amazon.com.
Thank you for contacting us. Your funds in the amount of $505.42 have been released and should arrive within five banking days of today's date. If you should experience further delays in the disbursement of your funds, please contact us at payments-investigate@amazon.com.
Best regards,
Dorene
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear XXX,
We initiated a transfer to your checking account (last three digits XXX) of $1578.94 on 08/07/2008.
Funds usually arrive within 3 - 5 banking days, but times vary by bank. If you have not received your funds within 7 banking days, you may contact us at merchant-disbursement-inquiry@amazon.com.
To see more information about payments to your seller account:
1. Log in to sellercentral.amazon.com.
2. Click the “Reports” tab and then choose the "Payments" option.
3. Use the drop-down menu on the left to see past disbursements.
Thank you for choosing Amazon.com.
Amazon.com Customer Service
Monday, August 4, 2008
Amazon Sends an Automated Email
Ok, I will do some math for you. The date listed below is NOT 90 days. I even went back, and counted. Not to mention, this is not what I was told yesterday. Am I quibbling? After 90 days, fuck yeah! I want my damn money.
Dear XXX,
We initiated a transfer to your checking account (last three digits XXX) of $505.42 on 08/06/2008.
Funds usually arrive within 3 - 5 banking days, but times vary by bank. If you have not received your funds within 7 banking days, you may contact us at merchant-disbursement-inquiry@amazon.com.
To see more information about payments to your seller account:
1. Log in to sellercentral.amazon.com.
2. Click the “Reports” tab and then choose the "Payments" option.
3. Use the drop-down menu on the left to see past disbursements.
Thank you for choosing Amazon.com.
Amazon.com Customer Service
Dear XXX,
We initiated a transfer to your checking account (last three digits XXX) of $505.42 on 08/06/2008.
Funds usually arrive within 3 - 5 banking days, but times vary by bank. If you have not received your funds within 7 banking days, you may contact us at merchant-disbursement-inquiry@amazon.com.
To see more information about payments to your seller account:
1. Log in to sellercentral.amazon.com.
2. Click the “Reports” tab and then choose the "Payments" option.
3. Use the drop-down menu on the left to see past disbursements.
Thank you for choosing Amazon.com.
Amazon.com Customer Service
Day 91
Dear Amazon,
So much for 90 days.... see you tomorrow.
Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 91
Emails I have left to send you: ???
So much for 90 days.... see you tomorrow.
Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 91
Emails I have left to send you: ???
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Amazon Responds
On the positive side, this does prove that despite completely ignoring every attempt I have made at getting my money back, they actually DO read my email. I will be waiting with antici.....
Greetings from Amazon.com.
Thank you for contacting us. The final settlement date for your account will be August 5, 2008. At that time the funds will disburse to your bank account on file. Please allow five banking days for the funds to reach your bank account.
Best regards,
Jenny
.......pation.
Greetings from Amazon.com.
Thank you for contacting us. The final settlement date for your account will be August 5, 2008. At that time the funds will disburse to your bank account on file. Please allow five banking days for the funds to reach your bank account.
Best regards,
Jenny
.......pation.
Day 90
Dear Amazon,
Well, this is it, my 90 days are finished, and I have served my time. According to Section #5h "a period of 90 days following the initial date of suspension", that means I can expect my money on the next business day right?
Yeah.... right. You didn't really think Amazon would allow such a thing to happen do you? Actually honoring THEIR end on the agreement? Oh, hell no. I just logged on, and it said that my next settlement date was going to be August 12th, 2008. WOW, I am shocked, the 90 days actually just misses the settlement date, giving you 2 more weeks to hold onto my money, earning you even MORE interest. What scum your company is.
Guess I will be emailing you again tomorrow. See You Then.
Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 90
Emails I have left to send you: 0
Well, this is it, my 90 days are finished, and I have served my time. According to Section #5h "a period of 90 days following the initial date of suspension", that means I can expect my money on the next business day right?
Yeah.... right. You didn't really think Amazon would allow such a thing to happen do you? Actually honoring THEIR end on the agreement? Oh, hell no. I just logged on, and it said that my next settlement date was going to be August 12th, 2008. WOW, I am shocked, the 90 days actually just misses the settlement date, giving you 2 more weeks to hold onto my money, earning you even MORE interest. What scum your company is.
Guess I will be emailing you again tomorrow. See You Then.
Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 90
Emails I have left to send you: 0
Day 89
Dear Amazon,
Since I had one more day to kill, I thought I would give you some MORE Positive Feedback Highlights that made me such a HORRIBLE Amazon Seller.
"I purchased a digital MP4 player from this seller. The service I received was excellent and very timely. When I received the product, I realized that I had made a mistake in my purchase. The seller agreed to refund me in full. The transaction was completed within a few days of the return. I was very happy with my service and, based on this, would recommend this seller without reservation." <--- Do I really need to comment?
"Fantastic service! Item arrived so quickly and perfectly packaged, together with very useful brochures etc on the product. Thanks so much." <--- No, please, stop with all the praises.
"Low price, and fast, reliable service. Pleasure doing business." <--- I think that sums my business up pretty well.
Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 89
Emails I have left to send you: 1
Since I had one more day to kill, I thought I would give you some MORE Positive Feedback Highlights that made me such a HORRIBLE Amazon Seller.
"I purchased a digital MP4 player from this seller. The service I received was excellent and very timely. When I received the product, I realized that I had made a mistake in my purchase. The seller agreed to refund me in full. The transaction was completed within a few days of the return. I was very happy with my service and, based on this, would recommend this seller without reservation." <--- Do I really need to comment?
"Fantastic service! Item arrived so quickly and perfectly packaged, together with very useful brochures etc on the product. Thanks so much." <--- No, please, stop with all the praises.
"Low price, and fast, reliable service. Pleasure doing business." <--- I think that sums my business up pretty well.
Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 89
Emails I have left to send you: 1
Day 88
Dear Amazon,
Yesterday covered my neutrals (WHICH ARE NOT NEGATIVES!), and my negatives. Today, let's hit upon the highlights of my positives, that no one has ever bothered to look at.
"Arrived in an excellent condition and a timely manner." <--- Hear that Miss Negative from yesterday!?!?
"The customer service was phenomenal. Would come back anytime." <--- Only if you go to my website.
"This item is awesome, I like it a lot." <--- I have hundreds of feedback that say something similar.
"Excellent seller! Their service is unbelievable and it was my very best experience of purchasing products from internet! They truly touched my heart because they went out of their way to deliver Pop-up-toy by Galt that I’ve ordered so it would arrive on time for my baby’s birthday. It came in perfect condition, perfectly packaged, and my son absolutely loved this toy, it made him so happy!" <--- Best feedback I have ever received!
Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 88
Emails I have left to send you: 2
Yesterday covered my neutrals (WHICH ARE NOT NEGATIVES!), and my negatives. Today, let's hit upon the highlights of my positives, that no one has ever bothered to look at.
"Arrived in an excellent condition and a timely manner." <--- Hear that Miss Negative from yesterday!?!?
"The customer service was phenomenal. Would come back anytime." <--- Only if you go to my website.
"This item is awesome, I like it a lot." <--- I have hundreds of feedback that say something similar.
"Excellent seller! Their service is unbelievable and it was my very best experience of purchasing products from internet! They truly touched my heart because they went out of their way to deliver Pop-up-toy by Galt that I’ve ordered so it would arrive on time for my baby’s birthday. It came in perfect condition, perfectly packaged, and my son absolutely loved this toy, it made him so happy!" <--- Best feedback I have ever received!
Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 88
Emails I have left to send you: 2
Day 87
Dear Amazon,
Out of the 100+ customers I served, only 21 left feedback. Out of the 21, 2 were neutral, and 2 were negative. I would like to take a moment to quote those 4 reviews that made me a HORRIBLE seller, requiring my immediate removal from your system.
"I sent it back and got my money back. The people over at portable-fun are very courteous and were great to work with. It came really fast, especially considering I am overseas. Would buy from again." <--- Holy CRAP! This MUST be why you kicked me off!!!!
"The MP3 Player works." <--- Yeah.... And?!?!
"No battery remaining indication in terms of percentage." <--- Yeah, let's lever negative for that.
"I received the product in appalling conditions, incomplete and does not work." <--- Never returned item, or contacted me in ANY way!
Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 87
Emails I have left to send you: 3
Out of the 100+ customers I served, only 21 left feedback. Out of the 21, 2 were neutral, and 2 were negative. I would like to take a moment to quote those 4 reviews that made me a HORRIBLE seller, requiring my immediate removal from your system.
"I sent it back and got my money back. The people over at portable-fun are very courteous and were great to work with. It came really fast, especially considering I am overseas. Would buy from again." <--- Holy CRAP! This MUST be why you kicked me off!!!!
"The MP3 Player works." <--- Yeah.... And?!?!
"No battery remaining indication in terms of percentage." <--- Yeah, let's lever negative for that.
"I received the product in appalling conditions, incomplete and does not work." <--- Never returned item, or contacted me in ANY way!
Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 87
Emails I have left to send you: 3
Day 86
Dear Amazon,
So I hear that there is a new "Payments by Amazon" Service to compete with Paypal.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Kiss My Ass.
Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 86
Emails I have left to send you: 4
So I hear that there is a new "Payments by Amazon" Service to compete with Paypal.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Kiss My Ass.
Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 86
Emails I have left to send you: 4
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