Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Day 85

Dear Amazon,

So, your other department responded to my Better Business Claim. Shocking, they told me to go screw. I expected no less.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 85
Emails I have left to send you: 5

Day 84

Dear Amazon,

Wanna know what I am going to spend my money on? Cars? Electronics? Jewelry? Vacation? NOPE! My Car Taxes, House Taxes, Water Bills, Electric Bill... I can't believe they haven't taken my stuff yet. I've been blowing off people I owed too. I figured, If Amazon can get away with it...

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 84
Emails I have left to send you: 6

Amazon Responds

After... well... forever.... they finally responded to the BBB claim. Take a wild guess at what they said....

Thank you for your inquiry.

In accordance with our Participation Agreement, your account was blocked on May 6, 2008, when it came to our attention that his seller performance did not meet our standards. We have reviewed your account and his requests for reinstatement and decided that his account will remain blocked.

Amazon.com retains the right to immediately halt any auction or fixed price sale, prevent or restrict access to the Site, including access to seller account and seller tools.

The seller's funds are reserved for 90 days from the date of his final sale, per section 5. h. of the Amazon.com Participation Agreement:
h. If we reasonably conclude based on information available to us that Sellers actions and/or performance in connection with the Services may result in a significant number of Buyer disputes, chargebacks or other claims, then we may, in our sole discretion, delay initiating any remittances and withhold any payments to be made or that are otherwise due to you in connection with the Services or this Agreement for the shorter of: (a) a period of 90 days following the initial date of suspension; or (b) completion of any investigation(s) regarding any Seller actions and/or performance in connection with this Agreement.

You have been advised that the account will remain blocked and to contact payments-funds@amazon.com on August 2, 2008, to request disbursement of his funds. We will not release the funds prior to August 2, 2008.
Please note that interest is not paid on funds held during our evaluation process. Per Section J of the Participation Agreement:

''We reserve the right to delay initiating the transfer of Payment Transaction credits to a Seller's bank account...We will not be liable to Seller if we act in accordance with the provisions of this Section.''

Please let us know if we can be of further assistance.

Best Regards,
Seller Performance Team
Amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Day 83

Dear Amazon,

Holy SHIT! The final stretch! Only 1 Week left! Then I can FINALLY get my money back that Amazon has owed me for almost *3* Months!!!! Oh wait... I wet myself again.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 83
Emails I have left to send you: 7

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Day 82

Dear Amazon,

Just to bring everyones attention back to the link http://www.consumeraffairs.com/online/amazon.html which continues to show how Amazon likes to treat it's sellers, and customers.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 82
Emails I have left to send you: 8

Day 81

Dear Amazon,

Do you realize that back on Day 50, I complained to the Better Business Bureau, and absolutely NOTHING has happened because of it? Shit, I haven't even gotten an official "Go Screw" Letter. It must totally awesome to be above the law.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 81
Emails I have left to send you: 9

Day 80

Dear Amazon,

10 Bottles of Beer on the Wall, 10 Bottles of Beer...

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 80
Emails I have left to send you: 10

Day 79

Dear Amazon,

I'm sure, if you put a little bit more effort in, you could piss off more customers than you currently do. I think your just slacking.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 79
Emails I have left to send you: 11

Day 78

Dear Amazon,

Most people would expect me to say that Amazon is the worst company I have to deal with. Oddly enough, that isn't true. The worst company I have to deal with is Sprint. Their corporate policies actually suck harder that yours do.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 78
Emails I have left to send you: 12

Day 77

Dear Amazon,

Whew, it's hard keeping up with this when I am just so darned busy. Why don't you just give me my money back, and I can move on with our lives, huh?

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 77
Emails I have left to send you: 13

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Day 76

Dear Amazon,

Just two more weeks! Oops... I think I wet myself.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 76
Emails I have left to send you: 14

Day 75

Dear Amazon,

I just finished up a sale with $600.00 in profit for me. You know full well neither Amazon or eBay was involved. If they were, I would have only made about 60 cents.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 75
Emails I have left to send you: 15

Day 74

Dear Amazon,

Did you know that Mr. Nobel, for whom the Nobel Peace Price is named after, actually created Dynamite? Oh I know, I know, that doesn't have anything to do with anything. But, you try complaining day in and day out about the same damn thing. Let's see how many relevant topics you come up with.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 74
Emails I have left to send you: 16

Day 73

Dear Amazon,

Anticipation.... Anticipation..... Any Day Now...

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 73
Emails I have left to send you: 17

Day 72

Dear Amazon,

Sorry I haven't written in a few days. I've been busy making sales and profits for myself, rather than Amazon. My Gain, Your Loss.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 72
Emails I have left to send you: 18

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Day 71

Dear Amazon,

My website grows more popular every day. My legions of followers are gathering! Soon, the three of us are going to open a can of whoop-ass. Power to the people.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 71
Emails I have left to send you: 19

Day 70

Dear Amazon,

I'll bet that by this point, my situation has worked it's way all the way up to middle management. And still nothing has been done about it. Yeah for corporate policy.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 70
Emails I have left to send you: 20

Day 69

Dear Amazon,

I think I will continue to email you, even after the 90 days has passed. I feel that we have just become so close. I will miss our friendship.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 69
Emails I have left to send you: 21

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Day 68

Dear Amazon,

To top off all the headaches, hassles, and financial hardships I have been facing lately, Last night, at 10:30pm, I realized that my refrigerator stopped working. I had to buy Ice and try to save what we could in a cooler. This morning, I was fortunate enough to find a serviceman who came right out and fixed it. The bad news was that he charged us $270.00. Ouch! That took all the profit I had made from the day before. I was so sad. If only I had all that money your company owes me. That would have been helpful.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 68
Emails I have left to send you: 22

Friday, July 11, 2008

Day 67

Dear Amazon,

I would like to thank you for your indifference to my situation. They say that desperation leads to creativity, and how true that is. You see, since the government left me out of work, and you stole all my money, I started up my own cell phone business. I am pretty sure at this point, I have made more money without you, than I ever did with you.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 67
Emails I have left to send you: 23

Day 66

Dear Amazon,

Wow, I can't believe you actually responded to one of my emails. I genuinely thought I was being SPAM blocked or something. Now, I feel all special inside.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 66
Emails I have left to send you: 24

WOW! They responded!

Greetings from Amazon.com.

Thank you for contacting us. As previously stated we will not be
responding to your messages any further. Your funds will be disbursed
after the 90 day reserve period. We have received all of your
messages and will not respond further.

Best regards,

Payments Specialist
Amazon.com

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Day 65

Dear Amazon,

On eBay, I have over 50 Positive Feedbacks, 0 Neutral, and 0 Negatives. I am above average in all DSR Ratings, and have a Raised status. Yeah, I MUST be a really sucky seller. Good thing you kicked me off YOUR system.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 65
Emails I have left to send you: 25

Day 64

Dear Amazon,

You may see me as a horrible, horrible seller. Why else would you have kicked me off your system?
Two recent comments I'd had where:

"Thanks alot. You have certainly gone out of your way to help me out."
"Thanks for working with me. I really appreciate the extra time and effort on your part to help me complete the transaction. My son is so excited! I'll certainly leave you glowing feedback as soon as the package arrives here."

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 64
Emails I have left to send you: 26

Day 63

Dear Amazon,

The sad part is, Amazon and Ebay control the online marketplace, and they are both the WORST companies to deal with. Seriously.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 63
Emails I have left to send you: 27

Day 62

Dear Amazon,

It's funny how I filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau, and they responded right away. Once they forwarded it on to you, I haven't heard shit in over two weeks. You guys really do suck.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 62
Emails I have left to send you: 28

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Day 61

Dear Amazon,

Wouldn't it be funny if your CEO got fired, but right before he gets to collect all his stock options, Amazon decides to hold onto them for 90 days... just in case a Senior Board member wants a refund?

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 61
Emails I have left to send you: 29

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Day 60

Dear Amazon,

"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 60
Emails I have left to send you: 30

Day 59

Dear Amazon,

You never write back anymore. Don't you still want to be my friend?

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 59
Emails I have left to send you: 31

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Day 58

Dear Amazon,

I haven't had a return in weeks. I think it's safe to give me my money back now.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 58
Emails I have left to send you: 32

Day 57

Dear Amazon,

I sure do have a lot of inventory here... you want to buy an MP3 player? I was just wondering, since I can't actually sell them anymore.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 57
Emails I have left to send you: 33

Day 56

Dear Amazon,

Wouldn't it be funny if your corporate offices had an ARM mortgage, like my house is. This way they could foreclose on you, just like they will do to me. But, that's just because I can't show any more income. You stopped me from making money.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 56
Emails I have left to send you: 34

Day 55

Dear Amazon,

In the land of make-believe, I would have gotten paid already.

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 55
Emails I have left to send you: 35

Day 54

Dear Amazon,

Whowh, did I fall behind! I have been so busy working trying to pay my bills, I simply have not had the time to email you properly. I am sorry for the delay in sending these. I promise to to be better with this in the future.

PS - Can I have the money you owe me? I could really use it right now!

Total Owed to Me: $2073.96 Plus Interest
Emails Requesting My Money: 54
Emails I have left to send you: 36
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